We all want to belong. In fact in early tribal man, belonging could literally mean the difference between living and dying. And in our modern lives it can often feel that way emotionally. Our nervous systems are hardwired to seek belonging.
During a recent tapping session with a client we explored the correlation between fearing someone else might think our thoughts and emotions are too much (fill in your own adjective) and how we view ourselves. So often our fears are machinations of our own minds. What we fear others may think of us, is often a projection of our own self judgements / self assessments. Do they think I’m too much? or Do I think I’m too much?
The topic brought to mind a Brene Brown quote:
“The greatest barrier to belonging is fitting in.
If I get to be me, I belong.
If I have to be like you, it’s fitting in.”
Belonging and fitting in may seem similar, but they hold distinct implications in social dynamics. Belonging goes beyond conformity; it’s about genuine connection and self acceptance, embracing one’s unique identity within a group. Fitting in, on the other hand, often involves adapting to norms, even if it means compromising authenticity. Letting go of or abandoning who we are, in favor of embracing who others think we should be.
The significance lies in the impact on mental well-being. Belonging means giving permission to be our full selves and fosters a sense of security, contributing to emotional stability and self-esteem. It encourages individuals to express themselves freely, promoting personal growth. Fitting in, however, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and the suppression of true identity, potentially causing stress and anxiety.
In a broader context, diverse perspectives which promote growth within individuals and within a community stem from a sense of belonging rather than merely fitting in. Embracing differences cultivates innovation, creativity, and a richer collective experience. Striving for belonging promotes inclusivity, while focusing on fitting in risks perpetuating conformity and stifling diversity.
The feeling of belonging acts as a buffer against stress and anxiety, providing a stable foundation for mental well-being. It fosters a sense of purpose and significance, reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness. This, in turn, contributes to improved emotional resilience, helping individuals navigate life’s challenges with greater ease, contributing to a more robust emotional foundation.
Ultimately, the choice between a sense of belonging which comes from within vs. trying to fit in which is about changing our outsides, influences the depth of individual connections and the overall health of communities. It matters because fostering an environment of genuine belonging promotes individual well-being, collective strength, and societal progress.
Here’s a 90 second video by Brene Brown on the topic of belonging vs fitting in.