Let me say at the outset, I’m all for practicing gratitude. It’s a beautiful and powerful practice to notice what you are grateful for. A practice that promises to uplift you as it shifts your focus to the positive aspects of life. But there is a downside to gratitude.
Practicing gratitude can leave us at the whims of external forces for our happiness. It can leave us dependent on something outside ourselves to feel good. But if we take ownership for our part and we celebrate ourselves, we are putting the power for our well being in our hands. We are empowering ourselves to take control over our emotional well being and create the opportunity for feeling good.
The Dependence Trap: When Gratitude Isn't Enough
For example, imagine a beautiful sunny day that fills you with warmth and joy. Gratitude encourages you to acknowledge this by saying, "I'm grateful for the sun shining today." Certainly it’s important to notice good things in our lives, especially given our inherent negativity bias that causes us to focus on what is not right. At the same time doing so positions your happiness as dependent on external factors – the weather in this case.
Here's the "dark side": what happens on a cloudy day? Does your happiness vanish along with the sunshine? This highlights the potential trap of gratitude – relying on external circumstances to dictate your emotional state.
Shifting the Focus: From Gratitude to Self-Celebration and Self-Appreciation
The alternative? Cultivating self-appreciation. This involves acknowledging your own role in recognizing and appreciating the good things in life and celebrating yourself for doing so.
When we revisit the sunny day example. Instead of simply being grateful, you could say something like: "I'm choosing to celebrate myself for noticing how good the sunshine makes me feel.” or "I feel proud of myself for taking the time to appreciate the warmth of the sun.”
These statements empower you. They recognize your own agency in experiencing joy, not just the presence of sunshine. It's about acknowledging your ability to choose, focus and cultivate positive emotions. And it’s about celebrating yourself for doing so.
“Celebrate who you are in your deepest heart. Love yourself and the world will love you.” – Amy Leigh Mercree
Benefits of Self-Celebration and Self-Appreciation: A More Rewarding Path
Self-appreciation offers several advantages over simple gratitude:
Increased Self-Efficacy: By acknowledging your role in noticing and appreciating the good, you build self-confidence and a sense of control over your happiness.
Resilience in the Face of Challenges: When faced with difficulties, you have a stronger foundation of self-worth to rely on. You can say, "I've gotten through challenges before, and I can find ways to feel good even now."
Sustainable Happiness: Your happiness becomes less dependent on external circumstances and more rooted in your inner strength and perspective.
Examples in Action: From Gratitude to Self-Celebration and Self-Appreciation
Here are some everyday scenarios where you can shift your focus from gratitude to self-appreciation:
Work Success: Instead of simply saying, "I'm grateful for this promotion," acknowledge your hard work and dedication: "I'm proud of the effort I put in to achieve this promotion."
Healthy Habits: Move beyond "I'm grateful for being healthy" to "I feel good about prioritizing my health through exercise and healthy eating."
Relationships: Shift from "I'm grateful for supportive friends" to "I appreciate myself for nurturing my friendships and cultivating people that I enjoy around me.”
Cultivating Self-Appreciation: It's a Practice
Like building a muscle, self-appreciation requires consistent practice. Here are some tips to get you started:
Start a Self-Celebration Journal: Daily, jot down things you're proud of yourself for, big or small. Notice positive qualities you possess.
Reframe Negative Self-Talk: When you catch yourself dwelling on negatives, shift your focus to something positive you did or an accomplishment.
Celebrate Your Achievements: Take time to acknowledge your wins, big and small. Did you finish a project or simply get further along in it? Treat yourself!
A More Empowered You
Embrace the power within you, and celebrate the amazing person you are! Gratitude is definitely a valuable practice, but self-celebration and self-appreciation takes things a step further.
By recognizing your role in creating your own happiness and honoring yourself for that, you build resilience, self-worth, and a sense of control over your emotional well-being.
“Don’t criticize yourself for getting lost. Celebrate yourself for having the courage to keep finding your way.” – Unknown
“You don’t need an excuse or a special occasion to celebrate YOU or to shower yourself with love and kindness. Your relationship with you sets the tone!” – Germany Kent
“It’s okay to celebrate yourself… It’s okay to see the best in yourself… It’s okay to be proud of yourself… It’s okay to think and speak highly of yourself… It’s okay. Yes, you can be humble, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging your own self, too! If nobody else celebrates with you or for you, be your own motivation, inspiration, and encouragement… Keep allowing your greatness to shine bright!” – Stephanie Lahart