You Don’t Have to Achieve Your Goals to Be Happy << Test First Name >>
A mentor of mine, Peter Sage, once said:
“The point of a goal is not to achieve the goal, but to discover who you get to become in the process.”
Sometimes we hit the finish line.
Sometimes the goal changes, evolves, or gets replaced.
And sometimes… the achievement turns out to matter far less than what we learned on the way there.
The real value of a goal isn’t the trophy.
It’s the transformation.
Happiness isn’t “out there”
We’ve all been sold the story:
“When I finally ___, then I’ll be happy.”
• Make more money
• Lose the weight
• Grow the business
• Find the partner
• Finish the laundry (more on that in a moment)
But life has a funny way of moving the finish line.
Each achievement just creates the next target.
We keep chasing happiness like it’s hiding in some future version of ourselves.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more. After all, goals can stretch us in powerful ways.
But happiness isn’t a prize we earn once we’re “good enough.”
It’s something we can cultivate along the journey… even the messy parts.
The person you’re becoming matters more
Years ago, something as simple as folding my laundry felt impossible.
Focusing long enough to complete that task was overwhelming.
(ADD / ADHD folks — I know you can resonate.)
It took years of tiny shifts, intermediary steps, nervous system work, and self-compassion.
By the time I could fold laundry consistently… the big win was that it didn’t feel like a big win.
Because I had become someone different.
Someone for whom folding laundry was just… doable.
The goal mattered, but who I became mattered more.
And the same is true for:
• Goals I’ve crushed
• Goals I’ve missed
• And goals that led me somewhere entirely unexpected
The goal was simply the direction — not the destination.
Discomfort doesn’t always mean “wrong”
We sometimes tell ourselves:
“If it doesn’t feel easy, it must not be meant for me.”
Honestly? That’s bullshit.
Fear, resistance, and discomfort often show up precisely because something does matter.
Stretching into vulnerability feels risky.
Trying something new threatens the safety of familiar patterns.
Growth doesn’t always feel good.
But it often feels meaningful.
Be compassionate with yourself in the process
We often feel shame when we don’t complete a goal, as if not finishing means we’re failing. But sometimes the goal required a version of us we weren’t ready to embody yet.
That’s not a flaw.
That’s pacing.
Growth isn’t linear.
And we can honor the small shifts while being gentle with the parts of us that still need safety or support before they can stretch.
When the goal changes because we change
I used to be in a relationship where our shared goal was to always resolve conflict before walking away. We were both skilled communicators, and both excellent at triggering each other’s childhood wounds. Which meant we sometimes processed for hours… even through the night.
Eventually, the day came where I had to leave mid-conflict to support some counselors in training. I told a colleague what was happening, and she celebrated me for something I couldn’t see:
That leaving meant I trusted the relationship enough to return.
That we had the capacity to repair, even if we didn’t force resolution in the moment.
It helped me realize that sometimes the healthiest, most growth-oriented move is stepping back. Taking space. Coming back resourced.
The goal evolved as we evolved.
The hidden gift of every goal
What if goals are not a verdict of your worthiness…
…but invitations to evolve?
What if the lesson is:
You don’t have to wait to be happy.
You don’t have to achieve to belong.
You don’t have to become “different” to be worthy of taking the next step.
Joy can live in forward motion.
Joy can live in the pauses and setbacks.
Joy can live, right here, with the version of you that’s still learning.
You deserve that.
A reflection for you
Take a moment and ask yourself:
Who am I becoming as I pursue the things I care about?
What qualities are strengthening in me along the way?
How can I let myself experience small moments of joy… now?
You don’t have to finish the journey to celebrate how far you’ve come. Take the time to celebrate along the way.
I want to leave you with this thought:
You are allowed to be a work-in-progress and worthy of happiness today.
Not someday.
Not “when you finally achieve x, y or z.
Today! Right Now!
If this message resonates, and you want support creating more joy in the
process (not just at the finish line), I’d love to talk.
You’re not meant to do this alone.
Let's talk.
“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
- Brené Brown
“Go a little out of your depth. And when you don’t feel your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place.”
- David Bowie