Self-Regulation: Moving From Triggered to Centered
When we find ourselves triggered or emotionally activated, it can feel like our entire nervous system is hijacked. The body tightens, thoughts race, and reactions take over before we’ve had a chance to choose them. Unless we slow down our actions can become a reaction to our emotions and the stories we create rather than a response to the actual situation.
This is where self-regulation becomes one of the most essential skills we can cultivate. Self-regulation is the bridge between your emotional body and your mind—it’s the ability to pause, orient to what’s true now, and move yourself from where you are to where you want to be.
A simple framework for practicing self-regulation is to walk yourself through three stages: what happened to you, what is happening now, and what you want to happen.
What Happened to You
Every trigger has roots. Often, the surge of emotion we feel in the present moment is amplified by echoes of the past—moments when we felt unsafe, unseen, or unworthy. Recognizing this is not about getting stuck in old wounds, but about bringing compassion to yourself. Instead of shaming yourself for overreacting, you can acknowledge, your bodies attempts to protect you: “Of course I feel this way—my body remembers something painful, it makes sense I would have this reaction.” By honoring what happened to you, you de-shame your experience and soften the intensity of the trigger.
What Is Happening Now
Once you’ve acknowledged the history, the next step is grounding into the present. What is actually happening in this moment? Not the story your mind is spinning, not the cascade of “what ifs,” but the concrete reality in front of you. This is where practices like slowing your breath, noticing your feet on the ground, or naming five things you can see, hear or smell help anchor you. By orienting to the present, you remind your nervous system: “I am here. I am safe in this moment. I can choose my response.”
What You Want to Happen
Finally, self-regulation invites you to orient forward. Ask yourself: “Given what’s here now, what do I want to happen?” This shifts you out of reactivity and into intentionality. Maybe what you want is calm, or clarity, or the ability to have a difficult conversation without escalating. By naming what you want, you create an inner compass that directs your actions. Instead of being pulled by the momentum of the trigger, you become guided by your values and vision.
Self-regulation is not about suppressing feelings or pretending you’re unaffected. It’s about creating enough space between the stimulus and your response so you can act from alignment rather than impulse. When you can honor what happened to you, ground in what is happening now, and move toward what you want to happen, you give yourself the gift of choice—and that choice gives you freedom.
If you find yourself struggling to stay regulated when life feels overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I help people build the skills of self-regulation, reduce anxiety and self-doubt, and move towards a life that feels aligned and intentional.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to practice these tools in a deeper, supported way, I’d love to connect and explore how we can work together.
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
– Marcus Aurelius
“In the midst of movement and chaos keep stillness inside of you.”
– Deepak Chopra
“He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires, and fears,
is more than a king.”
– John Milton
“Seek always for the answer within. Be not influenced by those around you, by their thoughts or their words.”
– Eileen Caddy