“What would your life be like if you were no longer at war with your imperfections?”
— Tara Brach
Building the muscle of self-compassion
Self-compassion can be a powerful ally. And like a muscle, it grows stronger with use.
The moments that call for it most are often the moments when it feels hardest to offer.
Lately, I’ve been working on what I call “writing the manual for my brain.” I’m experimenting with how I plan my time, start tasks, and move through my days. I’m exploring what gets in the way and what helps me succeed.
Some days go the way I hoped. Some really don’t.
On those harder days, I can hear the urge to grade myself: Why can’t I manage? Why didn’t I start sooner? Shouldn’t I have figured this out by now? What if I never manage to move forward?
And it makes sense to have these thoughts. I don’t have to push them away or abandon the parts of me that are feeling them.
I can acknowledge when I’m frustrated. I can even have compassion for the part of me that wants to throw a little pity party. And I can offer myself care while I ask: What happened today? What am I learning? What might I try next time? What am I proud of?
That shift matters. Beating myself up tends to make me want to avoid looking at the day. Compassion helps me stay with it long enough to learn from it.
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and support we’d give to a good friend.”
— Kristin Neff
Giving myself permission to be imperfect has made this project possible. It means I don’t need to get time management “right” on the first try.
I can feel safe enough to explore. I can get it wrong in service of learning what works. I’m writing the manual while building an empowering relationship with my brain, one experiment at a time.
So when your day doesn’t go the way you wanted, consider it a chance to work that self-compassion muscle.
Put down the scorecard for a moment. Offer yourself some kindness. Then see what new awareness the day has to offer you.
In Connection,
Gregg
“Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you love.”
— Brené Brown
If you don't already follow me on social media and you would like to see what I've been exploring there, you'll find links to your favorite spots below. I'd love to have you join me.