Do you ever feel shame, anger or discomfort based on the words or actions of others?
Criticism, negative feedback, feeling we are being made fun of or even merely not being liked by someone can feel like arrows aimed directly at our hearts. When we take things personally, we feel attacked and diminish ourselves. You release your own personal fears and judgements to run free in your mind.
However, the key to feeling more peace, joy and happiness lies in developing a bulletproof mindset that allows you to rise above personalization.
It's what Peter Sage defines as swimming in GOOP or the Good Opinion of Other People. When we allow others comments to define our truth, our greatness, or even our in the moment emotions, we are giving them power that does not belong to them.
This can take many forms. Hear are just a few:
FEAR OF EMBARRASSMENT:
I used to have a friend that enjoyed hiding and trying to scare me. Whenever they were successful, I allowed it to sour my mood because in my head I equated falling for their joke as a personal failure. I either became upset or put a lot of energy into hiding my discomfort.
Seeing videos on YouTube of people playing jokes on their friends, so many responded in a similar manner to me. But there was one type of response that really shocked me. Some people actually found it funny and laughed along with the joke. WHAT!?!
I was surprised because in my mind, I did not even know such a response was on the list of possibilities. But seeing people actually having a good time and enjoying the humor and not taking it as a personal attack was a revelation to me. It gave me a new possibility and offered a new experience.
An experience where I could feel a sense of inclusion and camaraderie and joy rather one one of exclusion, anger and frustration. Realizing if I don't make myself small, others will not and I can even enjoy the experience was revelatory.
Certainly there are times when you may want to set a boundary, but even that can be done from a place of empowerment and strength rather than self deprecation and victimhood as used to be the case for me.
RECEIVING "NEGATIVE" FEEDBACK:
Taking things personally often stems from a deep-rooted emotional response, but acknowledging this is the first step to freedom. Recognize that external opinions don't define your worth or capabilities. Instead, view criticism as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
Shifting Perspectives:
To build a bulletproof mindset, reframe your perspective. Notice the intent with which the feedback was offered. Was it with the desire cause you pain or discredit you? If so, understand that the criticism says more about the person delivering it than it does about you.
Often your natural defenses may show up even when the intent was to be informative and supportive regardless of how the message was delivered. However, when you can embrace a growth mindset, you begin to see these otherwise painful experiences as chances to learn and improve. This shift will empower you to approach situations with resilience rather than defensiveness.
SELF COMPASSION
Be compassionate with yourself. Extend the same kindness to yourself that you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks. Self-compassion allows you to view yourself through a lens of understanding and forgiveness, making it easier to detach from personalizing external opinions. Click the link below for a video on self compassion.
Rather than taking criticism as a personal attack, treat it as valuable feedback. Assess the constructive elements within it and use them as stepping stones for improvement. This proactive approach not only defuses personalization but also propels you toward continuous growth.
Developing a bulletproof mindset is a transformative journey that requires self-awareness, resilience, and a commitment to personal growth. By understanding the personalization trap, shifting perspectives, cultivating self-compassion, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing feedback, you can stop taking things personally and embark on a path to thriving in every aspect of your life. Remember, the power to create a resilient mindset lies within you.