So often we are sent the messages that it’s not ok to feel uncomfortable feelings. Looking on social media for example, when we compare ourselves to others, it's easy to assume we should always be feeling happy, excited and have it all together. That sends the message that if you aren’t feeling amazing, you are not ok.
What if we could make room for all our feelings, including anxiety? What if we didn’t have to push it away or make it wrong but we also did not have to let our anxiety control us? What might be possible?
That permission to be our full selves is what I work on both with myself and with my clients. Recently I found this video which explains these concepts in such a powerful yet relatable way.
The reality is, it’s ok to feel anxious and while feeling anxious we are still at choice to determine our actions, even though it may not always feel that way.
In the video she is describing how to create emotional safety for your kids, however, whether or not you have a child, we all have an inner child and all the concepts still apply. She uses the metaphor of a greenhouse, stating it is not simply to protect plants from the outside world but to slowly introduce challenges and stressors so when the plants eventually do go outside, they can thrive.
For us humans, we can face a lot of challenges if we have emotional safety. Imperative in creating that emotional safety is connection. And that starts with the connection we have to ourselves. Central to that is the practice of being compassionate with ourselves. Not shaming ourselves for our perceived or real mistakes or short comings.
An aspect of self compassion is making room for all of our emotions. Knowing our feelings don’t have to dictate our actions. It’s ok to feel anxious, fearful or sad.
A personal example for me is my history with intense social anxiety. One way that showed up was wanting to say hi to people i passed while walking on a city street. (Interestingly this is something that feels more natural when walking on a trail in nature but outside of that it can feel terrifying.) For years I thought I had to get rid of the anxiety first. It just felt like too much.
But that had the effect of reinforcing the fear because I was avoiding the action. It’s by taking the action despite the anxiety that has given me the felt sense of safety. That knowledge that I can feel this feeling and I don’t have to run away from whatever is making me feel this way has been super empowering. To know, I can not only survive the experience but ultimately thrive.
In all honesty, these days, I still often feel anxious when i think of saying hi to a random person on the street. All sorts of fears and judgements come up.
But now I know I don't have to follow the ingrained pattern where for years I would tell myself this next person is the one, I’ll say hi to. Well maybe the next one. Or the next. Each time judging myself for how i was feeling and often wanting to just run away.
Now I feel my feelings and I can choose to take the action anyway. That feels super powerful and it allows me to take action in other places where my anxiety makes me want to run away or avoid.
As you make space for your anxiety and treat it and yourselves with loving and accepting presence you build the belief and the felt sense in your body and nervous system that you can face the challenges that come your way.
The video gives examples of specific things you can say to your child or your inner child to help build that resilience. I hope you find it valuable.
Most of all I hope you come away from the video and this newsletter knowing your anxiety is ok.
It’s ok to feel anxious and you can thrive even with your anxiety!
If you’d like more targeted support on flourishing in spite of your anxiety check out my “Permission To Be Your Full Self” program or let’s get on a call to see if it’s right for you.