Permission To Love The Painful Parts Of Yourself
We often have a tendency to want to push away anything that causes us pain. It’s a natural response to want to avoid discomfort and seek pleasure. However, when it comes to the painful parts of ourselves, this approach can do more harm than good. In fact, it’s crucial that we learn to embrace and love those parts of ourselves, even when they cause us pain.
I recently had a conversation with someone who was struggling with a part of themselves that was causing them pain. When I suggested that they become friends with this part of themselves, I could see a range of emotions playing out on their face. What came out of their mouth was an emphatic, “I don’t want to be friends with that part.”
Ohhhh how I know that feeling. I understand from personal experience how difficult it is to want to be friends with something that causes us pain. However, by refusing to be friends with these painful parts, we’re essentially pushing away a part of ourselves. We’re telling ourselves that our needs and our pain don’t matter. This is not what we intend to do, but it’s often what ends up happening.
When we can look at these painful parts of ourselves as they were a hurting child, things start to shift. Because the truth is these parts come from that child within us that is hurting. That part within us whose needs did not get met.
We can choose to continue the pattern by pushing that part away. Or we can see that this part of us needs love and care. It’s throwing a temper tantrum because it’s feeling alone, abandoned, and uncared for. By showing love and compassion to these parts of ourselves, we can start to heal the pain they cause.
It’s important to remember that loving these painful parts doesn’t mean we want to keep feeling the hurt. We’re not saying that it’s okay for these parts of ourselves to cause us pain. We’re simply acknowledging that they exist and that they need love and care. By doing this, we’re taking away their power to hurt us. We’re no longer fighting against ourselves. We’re working with ourselves to heal and grow.
So how do we love these painful parts of ourselves? It’s certainly not always an easy journey. It starts with awareness. We need to be aware of when these parts are showing up and causing us pain. Once we’re aware of them, we can start to talk to them. We can ask them what they need from us. We can offer them compassion and understanding. We can remind them that they’re not alone and that we’re here to support them.
When I have a part that is hurting, I’ll put a note on my mirror to remind me to check in with that part every day. To ask it what it needs. To let it know that it makes sense that it is scared or sad or in pain. To hold that part and play with that part and love that part.
It’s also important to practice self-compassion when we’re dealing with these painful parts. It’s helpful to be kind and gentle with ourselves. To remember that we’re doing the best we can and that it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s ok to not do it perfectly.
After all, some days we might not be resourced to care for that younger part. Give yourself some grace. By practicing self-compassion, we’re creating a safe space for these painful parts to exist.
Loving the painful parts of ourselves is not an easy task. It can be uncomfortable and challenging. But it’s also one of the most rewarding and powerful things we can do for our mental and emotional health. And it’s a muscle that gets stronger with use.
By embracing these parts of ourselves, we’re creating a sense of wholeness and healing. We’re saying to ourselves that we’re worthy of love and care, even in our pain.
What parts are you trying to push away or avoid?
What parts of you are calling out for love, that could use your care and understanding?