"Embracing Failure: The Surprising Benefits of Celebrating Your Missteps"
Do you ever feel like you just can’t win? That no matter how hard you try, you still come up short. You might even think, “What’s the point? I should just give up.” Or perhaps you simply berate yourself for not succeeding. I get it. I know I’ve felt that way so many times in my life.
I remember years ago hearing Tony Robbins say, “How many chances would you give your baby to learn to walk before you cut them off? How long until you said, “No more, you’ve had all the chances you are going to get.” As Tony declared, that’s ridiculous.
You would give your baby as many chances as they needed. And in fact you would likely celebrate their quote “failures” too. You would be excited to see your baby trying. Even if it was just to pull themselves up with the couch before falling, you would be excited at each effort and cheering your baby on.
And yet we rarely take on that same mindset when it comes to our own attempts and our own failures. What if we could see our failures as the path to success and growth? What if, instead of judging ourselves harshly, we did the opposite? What if we celebrated our efforts, even when they don’t lead to perfect success?
I recently found this quote on a tea bag,
“Celebrate your successes and failures; for both required great courage.”
That really struck a chord with me. We live in a society that teaches us celebrate our wins. And there is great value in that, Celebrating your successes is essential because it helps acknowledge your hard work and achievements, boosting your self-esteem and confidence.
Celebrating your successes reinforces positive behavior and motivates you to continue striving for excellence. It also allows you to take a moment to appreciate the progress you've made and the obstacles you’ve overcome. And celebrating success fosters a positive mindset, which can lead to increased happiness and overall well-being.
Yet our successes are built on the backs of many failed attempts as we learn and grow. We tend to dwell on the negative when we fall short. But if we take a step back, we can see value in the attempt itself.
I used to have crippling social anxiety. Questions that loomed in my head included, “Will I know what to say?”, “Will I make a good impression?”, “Will I be liked?”, “What if there is a lull in the conversation?”, “What if i get embarrassed?” These thoughts paralyzed me and kept me from even trying for years and years which only made the anxiety worse.
As I learned to let go of my need to do it “right”, I became aware that not only my successes, but also my failures required me to be vulnerable. To risk failure and judgment. I began to celebrate my courage and my willingness to try rather than whether or not I got it right because even my failures meant I was getting in the game, making an attempt and learning.
This mindset allowed me not only to get out of my comfort zone, but to keep expanding that comfort zone in wider and wider circles. I’m still growing in that realm and I remain amazed, proud and joyful these days every time I go to a social function, the ease I’ve gained and how much I enjoy interacting with people after so many decades of being afraid to try.
Rather than calling myself a failure or staying frozen for fear of failure, I could celebrate those small acts of courage. I could have compassion for myself, knowing change is hard. And I could acknowledge the progress I did make before losing steam.
There will always be ups and downs on our journeys. Times we leap forward, and times we slide back. The key is not judging ourselves for the downs, but embracing them as part of the overall process. Even celebrating them because they are indicators of our willingness to try. We can then learn from both the successes and the failures.
It can be so easy used to constantly criticize ourselves for our stumbles and backslides. Many people think or have been taught that shame and self-flagellation will motivate you to do better. Studies however show that it actually has the opposite effect - over time it will make you want to give up.
It’s much more helpful to praise your efforts and have self-compassion around your failures. And maybe even be excited because it says you are trying. It says you are willing to make mistakes in the service of your growth.
Though it may seem counterintuitive at first, here are some reasons why there is significant value in celebrating your failures:
**Learning and Growth:** Failures provide valuable learning experiences. By celebrating them, you can embrace the lessons they offer and grow from them.
**Resilience:** Celebrating failures helps build resilience and the ability to bounce back stronger after setbacks.
**Destigmatizing Failure:** Celebrating failures reduces the fear of making mistakes, creating a more open and innovative environment.
**Courage and Vulnerability:** It takes courage to acknowledge and celebrate failures, encouraging a culture of honesty and vulnerability with oneself as well as with others.
**Gaining Perspective:** Celebrating failures can help you put things into perspective, realizing that failure is a natural part of any journey towards success.
**New Opportunities:** Failures can lead to unexpected opportunities and avenues you may not have considered before.
Celebrating failures encourages a growth mindset and fosters a more positive and productive attitude towards challenges and setbacks. The mindset shift doesn’t happen overnight. I still work to catch my inner critic and reframe those thoughts and it’s something I support my clients to do in their lives.
The more we celebrate our attempts at positive change, the more motivated we feel to keep trying. I choose to give myself credit just for taking the first step, even if I don’t follow through perfectly. And I’ve learned to be patient and kind with myself when I veer off course.
Change is not easy. We all struggle and slide backward at times. So next time you’re feeling down because you didn’t meet your own expectations, I encourage you to reframe it. Have compassion for the courage it took to begin. Find the learning in the falling short. Celebrate small wins along the way.
You are doing your best. Keep going. I believe in you, even when you doubt yourself. Stay committed to your growth and know that stumbles just mean you’re human. We grow most from our efforts, not from perfection.
I’m celebrating you and all your attempts, be they successes or failures because both required great courage. And both lead to your growth, if you allow them too.
You’ve got this!