The Courage to Ask: Why Support Is a Flagship of Self-Trust

Have you ever been deep in something—grief, anxiety, burnout, confusion—and found yourself thinking, “I should be able to handle this on my own”?

I know I certainly have. And when I have that thought it keeps me stuck in cycles of self judgement and inability to move forward as easily as I might.

That little phrase—“I should be able to do this alone”—has kept so many of us stuck in silence. Overwhelmed. Isolated. Ashamed for needing what is, in truth, deeply human: support.

What I’ve discovered to be true, is…

Asking for support isn’t a sign that you’ve failed. It’s a sign that you trust yourself to know what you need and there is nothing less than or wrong with you for needing support.

None of us can function without support of some kind.

When you ask for help—whether that’s emotional, practical, spiritual, or logistical—you are saying:

I trust that my needs matter.
I trust myself to reach out before it’s too late.
I trust others are capable of showing up for me.
I trust that receiving doesn’t make me less worthy.

That’s self-trust in action.

We tend to think self-trust means: “I can do everything by myself.”
But more often, it means: “I will not abandon myself when I’m in need.”

Why We Don’t Ask

If asking for help is wise, why is it so hard?

Because we’ve internalized some painful messages:

That needing others is weakness.
That we’ll be a burden.
That the people we reach out to won’t come through.
That we should only ask after we’ve tried everything else and are falling apart.

Most of us weren’t taught that receiving is a skill. I’ll repeat that because it is soooo important. Receiving is a skill—one that takes practice, courage, and self-awareness. If you’ve ever been let down, shamed, or made to feel too much, then asking for help now might light up old alarm bells.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you learned to protect yourself. And even that shows wisdom.

A Moment From My Life

After my mom passed away, I had a stretch of time where everything felt harder—mentally, emotionally, even physically. I could show up for work, I could function, but I was sad and exhausted on the inside.

I remember one day at an event we hosted at my home. Someone joked about the ease of my commute, walking up one flight of stairs. Even though I had moved into this new home specifically for community building and hosting events, I said, to be honest it was really difficult.

I shared why and asked for compassion and even physical touch or pressure to help regulate my nervous system.

That moment and several others like it created magic. In fact at that party another attendee shared that a parent of hers had passed recently but she had been holding it in, thinking it was not ok to bring others down.

I feel that myself in some moments, but chose to trust that whether others can meet me or not, my needs are valid. She thanked me for how I showed up and for the opportunity to share and release some of her grief.

I was so glad I shared not only for me but also for how my sharing and asking for support ended up being exactly what someone else needed to hear to help get their needs met.

I had this same opportunity at a number of events in the months following her death. And yes, I had voices in my head saying things like, “Other people have parents die Gregg, just get over it.”

But instead of simply pushing forward in silence, I chose to share with close friends and/or in environments where I felt people could meet me.

I let them know, “Hey, I’m struggling right now. I don’t need fixing—I just need to not be alone in this.” If there was a request I wanted it, I made it without expectation of it being met but with an openness to receive.

Not everyone was available for what I needed and that was ok. And many were grateful to be entrusted with the opportunity to support me. Nearly everyone thanked me for my willingness to share. In fact, something I heard over and over and over was how my asking for my needs to be met gave them permission to ask for their needs to be met.

I didn’t feel weak—I felt held. And more than anything, I felt proud of myself for choosing connection over performance. And I felt grateful for how my showing up was such a gift in numerous ways to others.

That was self-trust. Not the kind that says, “I’ve got this on my own,” but the kind that says, “I know how to care for myself by letting others in.”

You can read about another powerful example of asking for support through shame and vulnerability, in this article I wrote 4 years ago about my experience of being scammed by someone I met on a dating site.

https://www.inconnectionwithnature.com/blog/2021/5/30/shame-overwhelm-and-vulnerability

What If Asking Is the Healing?

What if asking for support isn’t just a thing you do when desperate? What if asking for something whether big or small was a doorway into deeper connection, wholeness, and healing?

Every time you reach out—whether it’s for a ride to the airport, someone to talk to, or help figuring something out—you rewire the story that you’re only lovable when you're self-sufficient.

You get to experience that:

You are not too much.
Your needs are not a burden.
People want to show up for you.
You don’t have to wait until you’re at a breaking point.

This is how self-trust grows. Not in isolation, but in the moments you choose to believe that needing others doesn’t diminish you.

Start Small. Practice Gently.

If asking feels awkward or scary, start with low-stakes support. Here are some options:

“Hey, I don’t need advice, but could you just hear me out for a few minutes?”
“I’m overwhelmed. Could you remind me that I’m not alone in this?”
“I’m practicing letting people help me. Would you be willing to…?”

Let it be imperfect. Let it feel clunky. That’s part of building the muscle.

Each ask is a vote for the version of you who knows they deserve care.

What Might Be Possible?

So here’s a gentle invitation for this week:

Where have you been holding something silently, trying to power through alone?

What would it feel like to trust yourself enough to ask? Not because you’re broken, but because you’re allowed to ask and you’re allowed to be held?

You don’t have to carry everything.
You were never supposed to.

I’d love to hear what you discover along the way.

Remember, I'm with you in this!

“Self-trust means you listen to your needs and believe they matter.”
— Gregg Berman

A Wilson's Warbler that needed help last weekend.

“You don’t have to do it alone. You were never meant to.”
— Brené Brown