I was a bit under the weather this week, so I gave myself permission to rest. Therefore this week's newsletter is one I published a couple years ago. Whether it's your first time reading or you've seen it before, I hope you find it valuable. Reach out and let me know. It always means so much When I hear from you!
Likely you're familiar with the concept of finding the silver lining. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines this as "a consoling or hopeful prospect" taken from a negative experience. While certainly there is benefit in finding that silver lining, it has always felt like a passive experience to me. We can take this a step further by actively mining for the gold.
One of the coaches I listen to, Peter Sage talks in one of his interviews about always noticing the gifts of a negative experience somewhere down the road. He said he noticed that six months or a year after a negative experience happened he would recognize some major benefit. So he started asking the question of himself, "If I know the benefit is coming, why wait six months or a year to see the gold? Why not see it right away?"
That question really stuck with me because I've long noticed that experiences that can feel awful at the time, I am thankful for in retrospect. For example having an interim manager at a former job that was making everyone's life miserable. Years later I was thankful for the experience because it motivated me to leave a job I had not wanted to be at for a very long time. That was the silver lining effect of noticing the benefit later.
But when we choose to actively mine for the gold while still in the experience, it allows us to be an active part of creating a more beneficial outcome while also allowing us to get out of the pain of the event faster and not wallow in the experience. I've been playing with this idea anytime I have an experience that goes less optimally than i would desire. This past week gave me a real opportunity to dig for the gold.
Ugh!! I accidentally deleted half my website on Friday! It happened while I was doing website maintenance in prep for an article to come out that will direct traffic to my website. It would be a painful experience at any time and this was about the worst time this could happen. I was in shock initially. I could not believe it happened. I so wanted to take back that mouse click that took everything away. And I did have a little meltdown, which honestly seemed like a reasonable response in the moment.
However, what I did not do was go to patterns of self blame or stay stuck in victim stories. Instead I very quickly accessed my resources to calm my nervous system. I did EFT Tapping which is a resource I'm so thankful to have. I also reached out to trusted friends via text and phone to vent my frustration, shock and angst. At the same time I had the wheels turning inside my head asking, "Where is the gold here?" This allowed me to get to work figuring out what I needed to do to fix the problem.
I don't always come up with the gold right away. However just actively searching for it helps change my outlook because i know from experience that i will find it even if it takes a little time. In this case I didn't have to dig for very long. I've been wanting to make some changes in the content of my website for a while now. Though this would not have been the way i chose to do it, I had to recreate those pages so it gave me motivation to do the work I had already intended to do.
That was actually a pleasant thought and even offered inspiration for what i might create. Simply knowing there would be gold there and actually digging for it, allowed me to transition from a nightmare to a positive much more quickly. That transition provided the energy to move forward instead of stay stuck spinning my wheels or berating myself for my mistake.
So I’m celebrating that I did not let it derail me for long. There is still more to be done and some things I'll need outside support around which provides another opportunity for me to learn. I moved through the victim phase with so much greater skill and ease than I would have in the past. I solved the problem and in fact will end up with something better to boot. All of which feels very worth celebrating.
Where might your gold be hidden?
If you want help digging for your own pot of gold, reach out and I'm happy to support you in finding it.
I look forward to celebrating with you.
“Out of difficulties grow miracles.”
– Jean de La Bruyère
“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.”
– Mary Holloway