This past week felt… off.
In some moments, in a dramatic, everything-is-burning kind of way.
But mostly, like a low-level hum of dread.
A sense that things were a little unsteady. A little harder. A little heavier than usual.
I got off Wellbutrin a week ago.
Had trouble getting insurance approval for my new medication.
I was underslept, which tends to make me more sensitive.
And my place was being taken apart for repairs.
The repairs are welcome.
The chaos of having my space disrupted… less so.
There wasn’t one clear thought I could point to.
Just a feeling.
And if I’m honest, a part of me wanted to make that feeling a problem.
An old part of me even wanted to lean into it… amplify it.
“You just got momentum back, Gregg.”
“Why are you off again?”
“You’ll never get ahead feeling like this.”
“No one will trust you if you don’t have everything figured out.”
I see this all the time in myself and in the people I work with.
We don’t just feel off…
We turn on ourselves for feeling off.
We feel bad for feeling bad.
And then we rush to fix it,
so we can get back to being “who we’re supposed to be.”
But this time, I paused.
And instead of trying to override the feeling, I asked:
Does this make sense?
Given the shifts in my body…
the disruption in my space…
the lack of sleep…
Of course it made sense.
But here’s what felt even more important:
Even if it didn’t make sense…
I still wouldn’t abandon myself.
Because somewhere along the way, many of us learned:
Our feelings need to be justified in order to be valid.
If we can explain them,
if we can point to a “good reason”,
then we allow ourselves compassion.
But if we can’t?
We tighten.
We judge.
We push through.
What if that’s backwards?
What if the moment you require a reason to feel what you feel…
…is the moment you’ve already started abandoning yourself?
This doesn’t mean every feeling is truth.
It doesn’t mean every emotion needs to be acted on.
But it does mean:
You don’t have to earn the right to stay on your own side.
You can make it safe to have down moments.
No reason necessary.
You can honor your humanness.
So this week, instead of fixing myself…
I let myself be in it.
Not forever.
Not as an identity.
Just as a moment.
I offered compassion to the parts of me that were hurting.
I gave myself permission to rest.
I asked for extra hugs.
I let myself be seen in my vulnerability.
I released the need for the week to meet preconceived expectations.
Because the real work isn’t showing up perfectly when life is smooth.
Or loving yourself only when you do it right.
It’s staying with yourself… even when it isn’t.
This feeling isn’t the truth of your life.
It’s just what’s here right now.
And whether it makes sense or not…
You can stay on your own side.
You can trust yourself here.
Always becoming.
🔥 If this resonates—and you find yourself caught between pushing through and shutting down…
I’d love to explore what it looks like for you to stay on your own side more consistently.
“The attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain.”
- Gabor Maté
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
- Carl Rogers
