Accepting help is obviously a weakness. Right? After all, we live in a world that often glorifies independence. We're bombarded with messages about self-reliance, pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps, and conquering challenges alone. But the truth is, humans are social creatures. We thrive on connection and collaboration. And one of the most powerful ways to deepen those connections and achieve success is by accepting help.
Not accepting help in fact can create disconnection. When we choose not to accept help, often we build up resentments, with our partner, with our kids, with friends or even with the world. Because the reality is we want help and sometimes need help and we feel cared for when we receive it.
There are many reasons why we might not accept help. Yet, when we don’t receive it, we may feel taken advantage of and not valued when we are in a position of trying to do it all. Even if we have not asked for help or not accepted help when it was offered that resentment may build over time. When has this happened to you? In what situation are you not allowing yourself to receive help or wronging yourself for asking for it?
Last week I was speaking with a fellow coach whose career is about helping others about her personal struggle with accepting help. Even though she knows the importance of accepting help and espouses that with others, she felt she would be looked down upon if she accepted help.
Many of us struggle with the idea of accepting help. It can feel like a sign of weakness, or an admission of failure. We might worry about being a burden, or feel a pressure to prove ourselves capable. I remember years ago working as a nurse in the ER, there was one particular nurse who would get angry any time someone asked her if she needed help.
In her mind, just being asked that question was equivalent to someone telling her she was not capable and a brought up a fear of being seen as less than which manifested as anger to those who were trying to support her.
Accepting help is not a weakness – it's a strength. It shows self-awareness, humility, and a willingness to collaborate. I bet you could add to this list, but here are just a few reasons why embracing offered help can be incredibly beneficial:
1. Lightening the Load: Sometimes, life throws a lot at us. Work deadlines loom, errands pile up, and personal challenges arise. Accepting help allows us to share the burden. Suddenly, the task becomes much easier to manage. This frees up mental and physical energy, allowing you to focus on other important areas of your life, including play or relaxation.
2. Increased Efficiency and Productivity: We all have different strengths and weaknesses. By accepting help from someone with specific skills or experience, we can complete tasks more efficiently and effectively. For example, if you're struggling with a technical issue, asking a tech-savvy friend for advice can save you hours of frustration and wasted time.
3. A Springboard for Learning and Growth: Sometimes, the best way to learn something new is to observe and work alongside someone who already has the knowledge or skill. Accepting help gives you the opportunity to learn from someone else's experience. They can offer different perspectives, provide valuable insights, and help you identify new approaches to problems.
It encourages the belief that we can develop our skills and abilities throughout our lives. That we don’t have to be perfect. One of the things that has made me a good nurse is having worked in many emergency rooms in several states and being willing to accept help and learn from all the people i met who shared different skills and nuances from which I improved.
4. Building Stronger Relationships: Accepting help fosters a sense of connection and builds stronger relationships. It shows the person offering help that you value their skills and trust their judgment. This fosters a sense of reciprocity and encourages them to be more open to offering help again in the future.
5. A Gift to Others: Accepting help isn't just about what it does for you, it's also about what it does for the person offering it. By letting someone help, you're giving them the opportunity to feel needed and valued. People have a natural desire to contribute and be helpful. When you accept their help, you allow them to fulfill that desire and strengthen their sense of self-worth. You also affirm their skills and expertise, boosting their confidence and sense of purpose.
6. Giving Others Permission
There's a ripple effect to accepting help. It not only strengthens your own journey but also sends a powerful message to those around you. When you normalize asking for help, it gives others permission to do the same. They see that you, a capable person, aren't afraid to reach out when needed. This can be incredibly empowering for those who struggle with asking for help due to fear of judgment.
7. Breaking Down Barriers
A culture of self-reliance can create a barrier to support and collaboration. It can foster a sense of isolation and competition. By accepting help, you break down this barrier and create a space for connection and teamwork. This fosters a more supportive environment where everyone can thrive – not just as individuals, but as a community. And it allows us to honor each other strengths and gifts.
So, the next time someone offers you help, or you are in a position to ask for help, take a deep breath, let your body relax and say "Yes".
Remind yourself that it is not a selfish act. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness. It lightens your load, allows you to learn and grow, strengthens relationships, and gives permission to those around you to reach out for support when they need it.
It requires humility to recognize our limitations and courage to seek assistance when necessary. When we start with the awareness, we are all in this together we foster creating a world where accepting help is the norm, and everyone feels empowered to ask for the support they need to thrive.
Accepting help is akin to saying to someone, “I trust you.” And that indeed is a very deep gift.
