It’s OK To Have People Not Like You
The surprising freedom of being fully yourself
Of course it makes sense evolutionarily to want to be liked. When we lived in small tribes in the wilderness, not being liked or being cast out to survive on our own could literally cost us our lives. But that is not true in the modern world and in fact trying to be liked by everyone all the time comes at a great cost.
Let’s face it — being liked feels good. We’re social creatures, wired to belong. But when the fear of not being liked starts running the show, something else happens: we shrink, we edit, we contort ourselves into a version we think others will accept. And little by little, we disconnect from our true self.
But here’s a truth I find valuable to live into:
It’s OK to have people not like you.
In fact, it’s necessary if you want to live in alignment with who you really are.
When we show up in our full colors — unfiltered, honest, expressive, messy, joyful, real — some people will pull away. Some won’t get us. Some may even judge or reject us. And that hurts. Especially if we’re used to shape-shifting to stay safe or get approval. Always trying to be who we feel others want us to be instead of following our own internal compass.
But here’s the gift hidden in that discomfort:
The people who do connect with you in your full expression? They’re your people.
You’re not bonding over performance. You’re not winning them with your mask. You’re being seen — and loved — for who you are.
The Myth of Universal Likeability
We live in a world that celebrates likability. Be agreeable. Be easy to digest. Be nice.
But likability is not the same as love.
It’s not the same as truth.
And it’s definitely not the same as alignment.
Trying to be universally liked is a recipe for chronic self-abandonment. It forces us to live a watered-down version of ourselves, constantly scanning for cues and adjusting to avoid friction.
But real connection — soul-deep, honest connection — doesn’t happen in that polished, pleasant middle ground. It happens when we stop filtering ourselves and let people meet us.
A Reframe: Rejection as Clarity
Here’s something that helped me shift: what if being disliked by some people is actually a sign you’re on the right track?
One place this really hit home for me was in a dating workshop many years ago. So often when meeting someone new, we try to give a shiny version of ourselves that often times does not exist. We try to be what we think the other person wants us to be, even if we have no idea what that is. The workshop leader was celebrating being authentic and finding out you are a bad fit on the first date because then you are saved the pain of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
That does not mean, purposely try to be disliked. Rather it calls for being our authentic selves and then letting others decide whether that is a fit for them.
So let’s reframe rejection as clarity.
When someone doesn’t vibe with who you truly are, they’re not your audience, your client, your community, or your people. And that’s not a problem — it’s a gift.
It clears space.
It saves energy.
It frees you up to deepen into relationships that are authentic, reciprocal, and nourishing.
Because the more you show up as your full self, the more clearly the right people can find you. Your light gets brighter — and it becomes a beacon for those seeking what you offer as you are.
Real Alignment Requires Risk
Stepping into your full expression can feel risky. Vulnerable. Raw. It asks you to let go of control — especially control over how you’re perceived.
But consider this: every time you hide a part of yourself to keep the peace, you’re teaching your nervous system that your truth isn’t safe.
Every time you silence a truth, dim a passion, or stay small to be liked, you’re paying a price.
What would shift if you let that go?
What if being misunderstood, disliked, or judged wasn’t a problem to fix — but a natural part of shining brightly?
You’re not for everyone.
You were never meant to be.
Practice: Permission to Be Disliked
Here’s a powerful reflection to try this week:
Where in your life are you still trying to be liked by everyone?
What parts of yourself do you tone down or hide in certain spaces?
What would it feel like to let go of the need for approval, just 5% more?
What truth have you been holding back that deserves to be spoken?
You don’t have to leap all at once. Start small.
Maybe it’s saying no to something you don’t want to do.
Maybe it’s posting a viewpoint you usually censor.
Maybe it’s wearing something bolder than usual.
Maybe it’s just breathing through the fear of judgment — and doing the thing anyway.
This is how we reclaim ourselves.
One bold breath at a time.
You’re not here to be palatable. You’re here to be powerful.
Let the ones who don’t resonate fall away.
Let your light sort the room.
Because on the other side of being disliked by the wrong people…
…is being loved by the right ones.
You deserve that.
And they deserve the real you.
Ready to reclaim a little more of yourself?
Let’s normalize not being for everyone.
Say the thing. Wear the thing. Post the thing. Be the thing.
Let the right people find you.
Hit reply and let me know what part of you you’re done hiding.
What's one way you're going to let yourself be fully seen this week — even if it risks not being liked?
“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.” - Margaret Thatcher
